Fruits Basket: Jerry Springer Style
by Chibihisagi
Summary: Akito Springer. R&R Rating may go up if bad enough. Not likely.
1. Cheating loverscousinsfriends

Hi! This is my first Fruits Basket fic. I hope you will like. (bow) I got the idea with 

an anime music video. It was great. Sigh. I don't have much to say but I hope you

enjoy my Furuba: Jerry Springer Style!

Disclaimer:

Haru: Kei Hao Asakura does not own Fruits Basket (sad) or Jerry Springer (glee!).

Please do not sue her or she might hurt me.

Kei: Never Haru-chan. (hides large mallet)

Warning: OOC to the max and maybe yaoi gag. Most likely ;. ;

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Audience: A-KI-TO! A-KI-TO! A-KI-TO!

Akito: Hello, and welcome to Akito Springer. That isn't my last name, but that isn't

the point. Today on the Akito Springer show, we have cheating lovers, rivals that

have done it and cross dressing hoes. Let's welcome out first guest, Hatori Souma!

Hatori: (walks in, but does not look happy at all) Akito-sama, what am I doing here?

Akito: You're on my new show of course. Now, is there anything you have to

confess to someone that is close to you?

Hatori: (blank stare) No. May I go now?

Akito: You're no fun! Well, someone has something to tell you. Please welcome,

Shigure Souma!

Audience: WHOOO!

Shigure: I love you all! (sits next to Hatori.)

Akito: Now, Shigure-san, is there something you want to tell Hatori?

Shigure: Ha-san… I must tell you this. If I don't… I would regret it for the rest of

my life.

Hatori: (raises eyebrow) And that is?

Shigure: I… I… I HAVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND AND

LOVER AND COUSIN AYAME SOUMA!

Hatori: (blink… blink… blink…) The hell? Ayame? You…

Akito: Guards! Hold him back! Make sure he doesn't hurt Shigure-san!

Two beefy men who we shall call Guard 2 and Guard 7: YES AKITO-SAMA!

Guard 7: Please, forgive us, Hatori-san.

Guard 2: We are sorry!

Hatori: (sigh) Is Ayame here?

Akito: OH NO! Hatori! Don't hurt the one you love! But since you mentioned him,

please welcome, Ayame Souma!

Audience: (cheers and wolf whistles)

Ayame: (tosses hair and winks) Hello my dear friends!

Shigure: Ayame, my love! (runs towards him)

Ayame: Shigure! (runs)

Both: SLAM!

Akito: Umm… are you guys ok?

Shigure: Y-Yes, Akito-sama. A-Are you alright, my love?

Ayame: Y-Yes. Your voice has brought me back to life!

Akito: Hatori, what do you have to say to Ayame, your lover and cousin who has

cheated on you with your best friend and other cousin?

Hatori: (blink blink) Can I kill my self now?

Akito: OH NO! Hatori, suicide is not the answer! There you have it folks! After this

commercial break, we will see rivals who have had unprotected sex!

Audience: A-KI-TO! A-KI-TO! A-KI-TO!

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Well, that is all. Sorry it was so short. More to come if you review.

I know it was short, but I have a terrible headache and I must leave

to eat Mexican food. Yummu yummu. If you like it, please review. As long as I get

at least one review, I will continue. A rule that I go by for life! … Not really.

Anyway, hope you like it. Bai Bai! (bow)

Kei Asakura


	2. Rivals who done it

Hello, Kei here. I got five reviews. Thanks soo much! October Darkness, Math-

nerds-unite, Kinrutarose, Evilalternateendingstorywriter (big name 0) and

Nekoluver. Thanks very much! (bow) I will start the story now. First was Ayame,

Hatori and Shigure. It was short and I apologize cause usually I write seventeen

pages worth of chapters. Not last time I guess. Not likely this time either. Hehe.

Disclaimer:

Kyou: Damn girl, why the hell do I have to say it!

Kei: Do you want me to let Yuki do it?

Kyou: NO! Kei Hao Asakura does not own Fruits Basket or Jerry Springer. Happy?

Kei: Much.

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Akito: Hi and welcome back to Akito Springer. First we had cousins who are lovers

who cheat on each other. Our next guests are very shy about the subject, so I hope

the audience have lots of questions. Let's welcome our next guest, Yuki Souma!

Yuki: (walks in blushing) Akito, why am I here? Please tell me… it isn't… that

show?

Akito: (evil smile) Why, Yuki-chan, what ever are you talking about?

Yuki: (shiver)

Akito: Yuki is here because of the horrible sins that he has done. With his rival

even!

Yuki: (shocked face) W-W-W-W-W-What?  
Ayame: Oh baby brother! I am soo proud of you! You have made it! You are now a

real man! Let's go out tonight and celebrate!

Yuki: (doctors trying to revive him)

Akito: And since Yuki has confessed his sin, we shall bring the other sinner and evil

one, Kyou Souma!

Audience: BOOOOO!

Kyou: (walks out) Oh, f!8k you! F!8K YOU! Akito! What am I doing here?

Akito: Don't act innocent, evil one. We all know what you did to poor Yuki!

Kyou: (blush) And that is?

Akito: YOU FORCED ON HIM! UNPROTECTED EVEN! I swear, if Yuki woke

up, he would just want to die seeing you near him!

Yuki: (wakes up) A-Akito? Where the hell am I?

Kyou: The hell? Damned rat, tell them we didn't do anything!

Yuki: (blink… grin) Oh, it was horrible. I was trying to get away, but he kept

coming towards me! Oh, someone hold me.

Guard 7: YUKI-SAMA!

Yuki: (kick!)

Guard 7: (dead!)

Akito: Oh no! We must get another Guard! Guard 28!

Guard 28: (salute) YES AKITO-SAMA!

Yuki: OI! This is suppose to be about me! That damned cat raped me!

Audience: GASP!

Akito: (loss of words) N-No one has said such a thing yet! Yuki-kun, you must be

traumatized! I am sorry. Do you have anything to say to the evil one?

Yuki: Yes. Stupid Cat, I hate you and hope you will never come towards me again

or I might have to kill you! You only had your way because you drugged me!

Akito: GASP! Drugs were involved! How dare you Kyou! I can't believe you. Let's

get some questions from the audience!

Audience: (waves hands!)

Akito: (runs up to a random person!) Yes, what is your question?

Random person 7: Yeah, was it pleasurable?

Kyou and Yuki: (blush)

Yuki: W-Well… I can't say cause if I do then it wouldn't be rape. So I have nothing to say.

Akito: Kyou?

Kyou: (dead)

Akito: Well, it seems that we will never know if it was pleasurable or not. After the

next commercial, we will get to the last segment of our show. Cross dressing hoes.

Stay tuned. (wave)

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Well, that is all. Guess who is the cross dressing hoe? I bet you will be surprised.

Hehe. My friend will hate me if she ever read this. BOHAHAHAHA! … ahem. If

anyone wants to be in the audience, leave your favorite number cause you have to a

random person but with a special number. All except 2, 23, 7 and 28. That is all! I

salute you and hope you will review on this chapter. Please don't hate me if it is bad,

I usually don't watch Jerry Springer cause it is… not… very… smart. Hehe. Well,

hope you all like it and review. (bow)

-Kei Asakura 


	3. Crossdressing hoes

Hello everyone. Kei here. I got two reviews, but I just posted it yesterday. I am

starting a new chapter and to tell you now, the hoe is not Ritsu! It is actually two

other people. I am sure people thought it was Ritsu. But I couldn't make him come

on this evil show… yet. BOHAHAHAHA! …. Sorry. Umm… REVIEWS!

SasukeBlade: Sorry, no Ritsu or Momiji just yet.

Evil one (shorter): I will make sure to kill some more guards and a couple of

explosions cause we all love explosions. That and implosions.

Well, I shall start the story.

Disclaimer:

Kei: Please, Kisa-san.

Kisa: (hide behind Tohru) U-Um… (in a little voice) Kei Hao Asakura does not own

Fruits Basket or Jerry Springer.

Kei and Tohru: KAWAII! (hug!)

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Akito: Hello and welcome back. We have had cheating loverscousinsfriends and

rivals who have done it and now cross dressing hoes. But they are in the back

getting ready. Let's go behind the scenes to see what they are up too!

Camera men: (run to the back as the whole audience, Akito, Kyou, Yuki, Ayame,

Shigure and Hatori is heard in the background following them)

Hoe 1: Does this look good? I hate this stupid thing!

Hoe 2: Shut up. All you have done is whine!

Hoe 1: B-But I don't wanna look sluty, just hoey.

Hoe 2: Sigh.

Akito: … Camera men… what the hell? We didn't see anything!

Camera men: We couldn't go into a ladies dressing room.

Everyone but camera men: … STUPID!

Akito: (storms onto the scene followed by the audience and Soumas.) Well… since

the camera men are stupid 455holes, we will introduce the two hoes! Please

welcome………………………………...

HATSUHARU SOUMA AND HIRO SOUMA!

Everyone: (gasp)

Haru: (comes out wearing a nurse uniform with the little hat and make up with a wig that

went to his shoulders, the same color of his hair) Yo.

Hiro: (walks in wearing a dress that looked very similar to one of Kisa's nice dresses with a

his hair very girlish!) Feh.

Akito: … umm… questions from the audience?

Random person 14: ME!

Akito: Yes? (runs up the stairs!)

Random person 14: Why do you look prettier than Yuki?

Everyone: (silence)

Haru: Because other men like it when I wear a wig and look pretty.

Hiro: That didn't answer the question, stupid!

Yuki: (more doctors trying to reviving him again.)

Guard 28: Haru-sama, you are beautiful. Marry me.

Haru: (spaced out look) How much money do you have?

Guard 28: (holds up an envelope)

Haru: (takes it and opens it) … Wow… I'll borrow this for a while and think about it.

Hiro: coughliarcough.

Guard 28: THANK YOU HARU-SAMA!

Haru: Hn. 

Akito: AHEM! Will one of you answer her answer?

Hiro: Sure. Haru is more beautiful than Yuki because of the clothes he is wearing.

Ayame made them so of course anyone would look better than Yuki.

Yuki: I hate you, Hiro.

Hiro: (sticks tongue out)

Akito: Now now, Yuki, don't be jealous because Haru and Hiro are much more cuter than you.

Yuki: That's not it!

Akito: Sigh. No need to yell. Now, Haru, Hiro what made you go into the

prostitution business?

Haru: Great pay.

Hiro: I can do whatever I want.

Kyou: (yes he is still there as is Ayame, Shigure and Hatori) YOU GUYS SELL YOURSELF JUST FOR MONEY AND POWER!

Both: Yeah.

Kyou: … You guys are stupid 455holes.

Both: (stick up middle finger)

Akito: Well, it seems that we are out of time. Thanks for watching and tune in next

time for sex slaves, evil dogs stealing everyone's underwear and Cock fighting.

Thank you and don't forget, spade or neuter your dogs to lower the population.

Shigure: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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Man, I just watched Samurai X and now I feeel sick. So much blood. I am surprised

I could even finish this chapter cause of it. Oro. Well, I hope you liked it. Also, I

forgot to kill of Guard 28 so let's all pretend that Haru killed him after the show

was over. And next chapter…. BEHIND THE SCENES WITH AKITO SPY! Then

after that we will get to the sex slaves, evil dogs and cock fighting. ;) Ja matte ne!

-Kei Asakura 


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